I just threw up on my dentist
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
