I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
