Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
