Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
