So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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