Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
