so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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