New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the RosΓ©." WTF.
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