I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
