You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
