Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
