1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
