Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
