youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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