Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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