just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
