Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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