Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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