I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
