No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
