Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
