eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
