Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
