you traded sex for a burrito?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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