Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
