I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Someone came in the potted fern
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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