Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
