It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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