it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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