it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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