I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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