apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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