I'm drive I can fine osifer
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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