im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize