Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize