Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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