6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're a waste of cheezeits
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize