just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
