$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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