I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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