forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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