oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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