I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
