Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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