She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
