I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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