Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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