Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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