bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
