I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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