woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
