Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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