You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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