my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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