I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
