you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
