I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
a search helicopter?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
