i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
