Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
