my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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