dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize