a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
