Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
