i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
