I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize