if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
