Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
