Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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